Wrong Side

KEEP IN MIND THAT I WROTE THIS WITH THE INTENT TO BRING 2 GROUPS OF PEOPLE TOGETHER. NOT TO POINT OUT THE FLAWS OF THAT I REFER TO AS THE “ELITE”. I HAVE HOPE THAT IF THEY KNEW BETTER, THEY WOULD DO BETTER. 

I GREW UP IN A TOWN WITH THE POPULATION OF ABOUT 1500 PEOPLE. LOCATED RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS AND SKI SLOPES. THE WELCOME SIGN CLAIMS THAT KREMMLING IS “A SPORTSMEN’S PARADISE”. WHEN I WAS A KID, WE HAD 3 LIQUOR STORES, 2 BARS, 1 GAS STATION, A GROCERY STORE, ELEMENTARY MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL, AND A SKATE PARK. MY GRANDPA USED TO SAY THEY PUT IN THE STOPLIGHT, SO PEOPLE DIDN’T BLINK AND MISS THE WHOLE TOWN. 

I ATTENDED SCHOOL THERE FROM KINDERGARTEN TO WHEN I DROPPED OUT AT 17. I THINK I WAS IN EITHER 3RD OR 4TH GRADE THE FIRST TIME I HAD A TEACHER CALL ME AND A FRIEND “WHITE TRASH”. I’M NOT SURE WHAT WE DID BUT I KNOW WE PROBABLY WERE MISBEHAVING. I MEAN WE WERE LIKE 8, THAT’S WHAT KIDS DO ON OCCASION. OUR TEACHER WAS WELL KNOWN, SHIT SHE BEEN AROUND SO LONG SHE TAUGHT MY MOTHER AS WELL. MOST TEACHERS I HAD THROUGHOUT SCHOOL HAD BEEN THERE SO LONG THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE AT ONE POINT ALSO THEIR STUDENTS. SO, WHEN I TOLD MY MOM WHAT MY TEACHER HAD CALLED US, SHE WAS MAD BUT NOT SURPRISED. HER NONCHALANT REACTION MADE ME FEEL LIKE ALRIGHT, I GUESS THAT’S WHAT I AM. 

WHEN YOUR 3RD GENERATION IN A TOWN THAT STAYS IN EVERYBODY’S BUSINESS THERE IS NO “YOU”. YOU AREN’T AN INDIVIDUAL YOU ARE EVERY MISTAKE, ACHIEVEMENT, RUMOR, AND STATUS THAT HAS BEEN PLACED UPON YOUR FAMILY NAME. FOR BETTER OR WORSE. 

I’M THE DAUGHTER OF A CRIMINAL AND STRUGGLING SINGLE MOTHER. I AM THE NIECE OF A MURDERER, ADDICT, HOME WRECKER, WRESTLING CHAMP, SOLDIER, AND TOMBOY. I AM THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF ONE OF THE GREATEST MEN ANYONE COULD MEET, AND HIS SOMEWHAT SPOILED BOSSY WIFE. I AM BROKEN WITH NO POTENTIAL. I AM A LOST CAUSE. OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT THE TOWN THOUGHT! 

SOME PEOPLE'S STATUS AROUND TOWN GOT THEM SPECIAL TREATMENT. WITH THE RIGHT LAST NAME, YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE TEACHING, WHILE YOUR HUSBAND COACHES THEM IN FOOTBALL. 

WITH THE RIGHT LINEAGE YOU CAN RAPE MULTIPLE GIRLS AND BEAT YOUR CASE IN COUNTY COURT BECAUSE YOUR GRANDPA USED TO BE THE SHERIFF. YOUR PSYCHOTIC MOM CAN EVEN BELITTLE YOUR VICTIMS AS SHE CATCHES YOU IN THE ACT, AS IF THERE ISN’T A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU AND THE ENTITIES THAT SPAWNED YOU. AT LEAST WHEN YOU DO LEAVE THE COUNTY AND CONTINUE HARASSING AND ABUSING OTHERS THE WORLD GETS TO SEE WHO YOU TRULY ARE. THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR COMMUNITY MAKE YOU THINK YOUR UNTOUCHABLE. YOU WON’T BE PROTECTED, ESPECIALLY IN THE AFTERLIFE. 

WITH THE RIGHT ENTITLEMENT YOU CAN STAY AT THE BAR ALL NIGHT AND NOT NEED A BABYSITTER! YOUR KIDS CAN SLEEP IN THE BOOTHS AT THE BAR WHILE YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES GET WASTED AND NOBODY WILL SAY A DAM THING ABOUT YOUR PARENTING ABILITIES. LATER THAT NIGHT AT 2AM DON’T STRESS ABOUT A DESIGNATED DRIVER! YOU GOT THIS, JUST STUMBLE INTO THE DRIVER SEAT AND HOPE ALL THE KIDS GOT IN, IT’S NOT LIKE YOUR WIFE IS SOBER ENOUGH TO COUNT ’EM(OH YEAH, SHE’S BEEN THERE ALL NIGHT TO). YOU KNOW THE TOWN COP AND GO HUNTING WITH HIM OCCASIONALLY, SO YOU KNOW YOU WON’T GET A DUI. 

AS FAR AS TREATING OTHERS YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE BETTER THAN, DO WHAT YOU WANT. SNAP YOUR FINGERS LIKE SOME PRINCESS SO THE BARTENDER BRINGS YOU ANOTHER COORS LIGHT, THEN ONLY TIP A DOLLAR IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE WILL SAY ANYTHING. THE PEOPLE I’M TALKING ABOUT HAVE THE AUDACITY TO WHIP THERE DICK OUT WHENEVER THEY PLEASE TO THE UNEXPECTING STAFF. IT’S NOT LIKE THERE WIFE WILL CARE AND NO LEGAL CONSEQUENCES, EVEN IF THE ASSAULTED DOES TAKE YOU TO COURT IT’S NOT LIKE JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED. 

SO MANY OTHER PERKS OF SMALL-TOWN LIVING. BUT WHEN YOU’RE NO LONGER ON THIS EARTH AND IT’S TIME TO GET WHAT YOU HAVE EARNED, I BELIEVE YOU WILL LOOK BACK WISHING YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN KINDER, AND A LOT MORE SELF-ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE WHEN WE DIE YOUR FAKE EGO STATUS WON’T BE ABLE TO HIDE YOUR EVIL ACTS. 

THERE IS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TOWN, LIKE ME AND MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. THE ONES WHO WORK AT THE BARS, LIQUOR/GROCERY STORES, AND GAS STATIONS. THE OUTCASTS, TRAILER TRASH, MEXICANS, POOR, AND OUTSIDERS NOT WELCOMED BY THE ELITE. WE WORK THE BULLSHIT JOBS, DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, GO TO PRISON FOR BULLSHIT, AND PUT UP WITH DISRESPECT WE DON’T DESERVE. 

MOST OF MY FRIENDS’ PARENTS ALSO WENT TO SCHOOL IN KREMMLING. SAME TEACHERS, SAME REPUTATIONS. MOST OF THEM GREW APART AND DON’T SEEM ALL THAT CLOSE AS THE GET OLDER BUT BOOOY DO I LOVE WHEN ONE OF THEM LETS OUT A LITTLE STORY FROM BACK IN THE DAY. WHETHER THEY WENT TO PROM TOGETHER, USED TO BE ROOMMATES WITH MY UNCLE, OR FOUGHT OVER MY DAD I LOVE HEARING THE HISTORY. I DO KEEP IN MIND PERSPECTIVE. THE ENTER-TWINED PATTERNS AND EVENTS THAT ALL OF US HAVE IS INCREDIBLE. BUT I'LL SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER STORY. 

SWITCHING LEVELS IN MY SMALL TOWN IS NOT EASY. IN FACT, LET’S SAY SOMEONE FROM THE TRAILER PARK IS ADMIRED BY SOMEONE WHO COMES FROM MONEY. WILL THEY HAVE SEX WITH THAT PERSON? YES. WILL THEY SHOW THEM RESPECT OR INTRODUCE THEM TO THEIR PARENTS? HAHAHAHA NO. 

ANOTHER EXAMPLE IS WHEN PEOPLE FROM EACH SIDE ARE FRIENDS. LET’S SAY THEY COMMIT A CRIME AS A TEENAGER, SOMETHING PETTY AND HARMLESS BUT STILL THEY GET ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR THEIR ACTIONS, THE ONE WITH STATUS GETS OFFERED BOOTCAMP AND LATER BECOMES AN UNDERSHERIFF. THE ONE WITH THE INFAMOUS LAST NAME HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO SERVE MULTIPLE YEARS FOR THE SAME CRIME. 

GROWING UP BEING TREATED LIKE YOU LESS THAN OTHERS ABSOLUTELY AFFECT YOU FROM CHILDHOOD UP UNTIL U EITHER REALIZE YOUR WORTH OR DIE. AS A KID YOUR TOLD THAT YOU ARE BASICALLY ALREADY A CRIMINAL, ADDICT, OR UNWORTHY OF ACHIEVING ANYTHING GREAT SO WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU DO OTHER THAN EMBRACE IT? NO, WE DIDN’T COWER DOWN AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS WE DID WHAT WE THOUGHT MADE US STRONG AND REBELLED AGAINST THE BULLSHIT. FUCK THE SYSTEM! YOU THINK WE ARE “KORUPT” WE’LL SHOW YOU HOW POWERFUL WE ARE. 

HOWEVER, WE NEVER WERE THE BAD GUYS. WE NEVER WANTED TO START USING DRUGS TO COPE OR STEALING SHIT JUST BECAUSE WE HAD NOTHING. WE JUST DIDN’T WANT TO FEEL POWERLESS AND WEAK. IT’S NOT LIKE ANY OF US ACTUALLY BELIEVED THERE WERE ANY OTHER CHOICES THAN DO WHAT WE HAD TO SURVIVE. THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO LEFT THAT TOWN AND DID AMAZING THINGS DESPITE THEIR SMALL-TOWN FAMILY REPUTATION. 

BUT I HAVE WITNESSED WAY TOO MANY RAPPERS, ARCHITECTS, COMPUTER GENIUS, LEADERS, ARTISTS, AND OTHER INSPIRATIONAL PEOPLE END UP WITH DISTORTED SELF-PERCEPTIONS. THEY FORGOT THEY WERE ONLY SURVIVING HOW THEY SAW THEIR GENERATIONS BEFORE DO IT. WITH NO REAL GUIDANCE THIS WORLD CAN TRICK GREAT MEN INTO THINKING THEY ARE NOTHING MORE THAN AN INCONVENIENCE. 

IT BREAKS MY HEART. ALSO ENRAGES ME. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY MARVIN HEEMYER BUILT THE KILL DOZER. YOU CAN SAY THE TOWN WAS INNOCENT AND A VICTIM ALL YOU WANT BUT I AM HERE TO SAY THAT THE MAN WAS BULLIED AND GOT SICK OF IT. WAS HE RIGHT TO ACT THE WAY HE DID? NO, ONLY BECAUSE IT MADE NO REAL PROGRESS TO FIX THE SITUATION. 

THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF TO HELP CREATE SOME CLARITY FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS IS AWARENESS. BEING MORE AWARE OF YOUR TRUE VALUE, YOUR IMPACT ON OTHERS, AND AWARE OF THE FACT YOUR MINDSET IS YOUR ONLY LIMITATION. NO OTHER PERSON IS MORE OR LESS VALUABLE THAN YOU! NO MATTER YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION, RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, ANCESTORS, OR ANY OTHER MADE-UP SCALE OF JUDGEMENT THAT PEOPLE MIGHT TRY TO PUT VALUE ON. 

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FORGIVE. SPECIALLY YOURSELF. FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD TO SURVIVE. FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING AWARE THAT YOUR ACTIONS NEGATIVELY AFFECTED OTHERS. FORGIVE EACH OTHER FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND THE RIGHT WAY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS, FORGIVE LIFE FOR NOT ALWAYS BEING FAIR. 

THEN ACTIVELY PUT IN WORK TO CHANGE. NOBODY WANTS TO BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG BUT IT’S THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS TWISTED REALITY WE CALL LIFE. 

TO ME TRUE STRENGTH IS DOING THE SUPER HARD THING THAT’S NO ONE ELSE WILL BUT IS AUTHENTIC AND POWERFUL. IF WE TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, MAYBE OUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS CAN BE A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE BEING OUR DESCENDANTS.